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In this modern day and age, finding new people to date with is as easy as clicking a few button on your phone. Yet with such virtually-unlimited opportunities, modern daters often complain about the lack of meaningful outcome.
An investigation into this reveals that given the affordance of online dating, daters often move through dates on autopilot, commoditizing potential dates into disposable beings. With that in mind, 🦈a fish market invites you to an intimate journey of reconciling intimacy back into your dating life, cultivating a habit of being mindful, conscious, and introspective about our feelings to the people we engage with.
With the overload of choice in ways to meet people, online dating often gets overwhelming and exhausting.
Mindful dating focuses on taking the whole process slower, and being more conscious about the connections we make, nurting quality over quantity. With the rising trend of self-care among the young adults, it is not entirely a wild idea for one to borrow the idea of mindful consumption and apply it to their dating life, an idea that is already popular among the generation.
Citing Deepak Chopra’s approach on the topic of Mindful Dating, here are few points that’s totally worth your 5 minutes!
1. Do: Check your energy
If you’re feeling frustrated by the dating process, chances are you’re going to have a frustrating experience. Learn to bring positive energy to your dating life, and choose to believe there is purpose in the process.
2. Do: Set Boundaries
While it’s important to keep an open mind, if you clearly know that this person isn’t going to be a good fit for you, don’t try to force-fit anything. Simply enjoy the date for what it is and move forward. Walk away if you are not being treated well, it demonstrates confidence and helps you to maintain self-respect in your dating life.
3. Do: Reflect
After each date, take time to reflect on how you showed up, where you shined, how you made the other person feel, as well as areas where you can improve. If you don’t hear from the person again or if there’s not a second date, don’t take it personally. Not everyone you date will be a romantic connection.
4. Do: Put yourself our there!
If you’re not meeting anyone date-worthy, take a look at where you spend your time, make sure you’re setting yourself up for success.
5. Don’t: Complain
Regardless of how hard dating can feel, there is no benefit in wallowing in your own self-pity. While there can be healthy amounts of processing the hardships you’re facing, don’t let it become a regular practice.
6. Don’t: Reveal too much, too soon
Transparency is a sign of a healthy relationship, but isn’t a must on a first date. Be honest, without laying all your cards on the table. When you reveal too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy.
7. Don’t: Move too fast
Getting to know someone should be a slow and safe process. Some people are overeager to go too far, too fast—both physically and in conversation. There is plenty of time in the future to go deep, should the relationship evolve.
8. Don’t: Take it personally
With dating comes rejection. Getting stressed or hurt if someone chooses not to go out with you again is not productive. Although it’s never fun accepting that someone didn’t choose you, often that discomfort comes from trying to understand what you did wrong or how you can fix it. There’s no need to change yourself just to influence someone else’s opinion.
On the flip side, if you decide to break it off with someone, there is no need to feel guilty. Although you may feel you are letting someone down, it will be better for them (and you) in the long run if you are upfront and honest with your feelings.
Practice embracing the dating journey and all the lessons it reveals to you, and always remember to love yourself in the process.
to reflect: an activity
Pen + Paper
To recall, ruminate, and reflect on past ‘purchases’ as a method of conducting post-mortem investigation on past relationships with the hope of being mindful and informed for future relations.
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